Lately I've been running into some bouts of insomnia. It's so easy with a jam-packed schedule to sit there all night running circles around my mental to do list and generally driving myself a little crazy. It just never seems like there's enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do, I feel like I'm constantly running to catch up, to juggle friends, school, and work. And it doesn't seem to be just me, the end of semester stress seems to be hounding everyone. Well I'm here, under-qualified and overenthusiastic, to offer you a little solution that usually works for me when I'm stuck.

Usually some time after 3am when I've properly worried myself wide awake and given up at my attempts to find sleep, I turn over bleary-eyed to reach for a book out of my bedside table, The Opposite of Loneliness. It's written by Marina Keegan, a successful Yale alumna who was killed in a tragic car accident just days after her graduation. She left behind a beloved legacy along with a large body of works, her most famous being the essay the book is titled after, The Opposite of Loneliness. It was published in the graduation issue of the Yale Daily News, and in the weeks after her death it became a viral sensation being viewed over 1.4 million times.

So at 3 am, this is what I turn to. I've read the essay enough times I could probably recite it from memory, but there's something about the type on the dogeared page that brings me another level of peace. It almost seems like Marina plucked the words right out of my stewing brain, the worry that time is running out, that I can't do, be, aspire to all the things I want to. The essay is centered around this idea Marina created, the goal she was yearning for in life and claims she found at Yale, the opposite of loneliness.

Now the essay doesn't solve my problems. It doesn't help me study or outline a paper, it doesn't clock in hours for work or make me fold the laundry faster. The magic of the writing lies in Marina's gift of perspective. I read the words she wrote all those years ago and it brings me a sense of calm. I remember that the season of life I'm in is just that, one day in one month in one season of my life and while it matters, it only matters so much.

When I feel that pressure of life closing in on me, her words tell me, "what we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over... The notion that its too late to do anything is comical". And it actually brings a smile to my face. Suddenly it does seem funny I felt trapped in this cage of doing and being what I am right now forever. It is absurdly hilarious that I thought at just 20 that I knew who I was, just two minutes before. The twisted beauty here is that while Marina's words tell me that I have all the time in the world, her beautiful life cut prematurely short tells me that sometimes we don't.

So I read it, sometimes twice, then I turn the light off and roll over. Every time it works. I'm not saying it puts me to sleep or cures the deadlines running through my brain, but it brings me perspective about what is important, what matters, what I'm looking for in life. And I'm both reminded that I have all the time in the world and also that I don't, and I get excited to make tomorrow count, to make it take me a step closer to who and what I'm searching to be.

I'm not sure that this will do anyone but me any good. I hoped it might at least encourage you to read her essay, which I've linked here. Happy reading and happy de-stressing friends!