Life With Laurs

Back to Blogging

8:06:00 AM

It's been a minute since I've really paid attention to the blog! Partly its been because life is busy, and this interest fell by the wayside. Running a blog is a funny thing. It's supposed to be a fun, creative outlet, and it can be exhilarating to get a piece just right. But sometimes it also is vulnerable and pressure-filled and discouraging. And I found myself thinking it didn't really matter, so I spent the last few months writing only for myself.

But in the end I realized (with a little encouragement from my friends) that I care, and that's enough for me. This blog is a capsule of my life and thoughts, mostly for myself, but also for others to follow along if they want. When I stopped writing I had a few people reach out and ask why and to hear that they cared about this blog really made me feel so good!

So here's to blogging again and here's to doing more things for ourselves!!

Life update:
I am now in my final semester at USF which seems crazy to me. True to form, this semester is proving to be a busy one!

I am doing my senior capstone which is where the nursing students are placed in a specialty and do 180 hours of clinical work. You basically work your nurse preceptor's schedule for 2-3 12 hour shifts per week until you hit 180. During this time you are learning to take on a full RN role and practicing all your nursing skills. I am placed in the same unit I've been working as a PCA on for 2+ years, the Intensive Care Nurser (NICU) at UCSF! This is wonderful because I already know and love the people and the patients, and I get to do even more fun work there as a nurse. It is also so reassuring to know that I love it as a nurse. As a PCA there was always a worry in the back of my head, that what if I wasn't good at being a NICU nurse or didn't like it as much as I'd hoped. But that is not the case, I absolutely love it. I have completed 5 shifts, and have 10 to go!

Meanwhile I'm taking some nursing classes and cramming for our big exit exam as well as applying for jobs and working as a PCA still! I am somehow still finding time to enjoy myself and have to say this is shaping up to be one of my favorite semesters yet.

I keep finding myself so happy, all the time. I am so excited about finally getting to do the nursing I having been dreaming of. I'm looking forward to all the opportunities open to me. I am excited for the fun "lasts" this semester and just making the most of the time I have left as a college student. There is just so much good in my life and I am grateful every day for my people and my life.

Perspective

9:59:00 PM

Lately I've been running into some bouts of insomnia. It's so easy with a jam-packed schedule to sit there all night running circles around my mental to do list and generally driving myself a little crazy. It just never seems like there's enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do, I feel like I'm constantly running to catch up, to juggle friends, school, and work. And it doesn't seem to be just me, the end of semester stress seems to be hounding everyone. Well I'm here, under-qualified and overenthusiastic, to offer you a little solution that usually works for me when I'm stuck.

Usually some time after 3am when I've properly worried myself wide awake and given up at my attempts to find sleep, I turn over bleary-eyed to reach for a book out of my bedside table, The Opposite of Loneliness. It's written by Marina Keegan, a successful Yale alumna who was killed in a tragic car accident just days after her graduation. She left behind a beloved legacy along with a large body of works, her most famous being the essay the book is titled after, The Opposite of Loneliness. It was published in the graduation issue of the Yale Daily News, and in the weeks after her death it became a viral sensation being viewed over 1.4 million times.

So at 3 am, this is what I turn to. I've read the essay enough times I could probably recite it from memory, but there's something about the type on the dogeared page that brings me another level of peace. It almost seems like Marina plucked the words right out of my stewing brain, the worry that time is running out, that I can't do, be, aspire to all the things I want to. The essay is centered around this idea Marina created, the goal she was yearning for in life and claims she found at Yale, the opposite of loneliness.

Now the essay doesn't solve my problems. It doesn't help me study or outline a paper, it doesn't clock in hours for work or make me fold the laundry faster. The magic of the writing lies in Marina's gift of perspective. I read the words she wrote all those years ago and it brings me a sense of calm. I remember that the season of life I'm in is just that, one day in one month in one season of my life and while it matters, it only matters so much.

When I feel that pressure of life closing in on me, her words tell me, "what we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over... The notion that its too late to do anything is comical". And it actually brings a smile to my face. Suddenly it does seem funny I felt trapped in this cage of doing and being what I am right now forever. It is absurdly hilarious that I thought at just 20 that I knew who I was, just two minutes before. The twisted beauty here is that while Marina's words tell me that I have all the time in the world, her beautiful life cut prematurely short tells me that sometimes we don't.

So I read it, sometimes twice, then I turn the light off and roll over. Every time it works. I'm not saying it puts me to sleep or cures the deadlines running through my brain, but it brings me perspective about what is important, what matters, what I'm looking for in life. And I'm both reminded that I have all the time in the world and also that I don't, and I get excited to make tomorrow count, to make it take me a step closer to who and what I'm searching to be.

I'm not sure that this will do anyone but me any good. I hoped it might at least encourage you to read her essay, which I've linked here. Happy reading and happy de-stressing friends!

Spring Break in Florida

11:32:00 PM

Well I'll start with the fact that this post is two weeks late, oops! That should give you a good idea of just how crazy life is right now. It's been two weeks back in SF and I'm still dreaming of afternoons spent on the beach. I wanted to share my fun family trip to Florida for Spring Break, it was a much-needed mental breather and such a treat to be with my favorite people in my favorite place!

A little backstory on where my family goes in Florida: Back in the 90s my grandparents were looking for a warm getaway from New York and they bought a condo at Gulf and Bay in Siesta Key, Florida just outside Tampa. In the almost 18 years since they bought the place it has been the scene of countless family trips, reunions, spring breaks, and is the location of many of my most treasured memories. Throughout my childhood I've spent more time there than any other place except Santa Rosa and it truly is my second home and something special for my entire Dad's side of the family. As many of you know my Grandpa passed away this Fall and this spring break was my family's first time reuniting in Florida without him. He was definitely missed but being in his favorite place made it easier to remember the sweet memories! We were all happy to spend some time with my Grandma who is of course missing him the most!

The week kicked off with Mom, Dad, Chris, and I meeting up with Sara and Maddie in Tampa on Saturday night. Maddie has come to Florida quite a few times with us and we just consider her a fourth child at this point. My family doesn't get the chance to be all together much anymore, so we all reveled in catching up. And we began the vacation rightfully at our favorite ice cream place, Big Olafs. It's this sweet little family owned joint on Siesta Key that makes amazing ice cream that is just the most perfect thing after a day in the sun and it's always packed. I always spend the week pretending I'm not lactose intolerant because its just way too good to pass up!

Sunday was a perfect day one. The key is getting quite crowded after being named Trip Advisor's Best Beach in the US and 5th Best in the world this year! No joke guys, check this out! Needless to say the beach was more crowded than ever.

We spent the day on the beach rotating between tanning, walking, playing in the water and making fools of ourselves playing Spike Ball. One thing poor Maddie did not inherit is the Shanahan ability to avoid a sunburn, so she got the brunt of a day one burn that took more than a week to wear off, yikes! We spent the evening, and every night after, catching up, talking as a family over dinner and cozying up by the TV with my Grandma.

Monday was rainy but we took advantage and partook in our favorite rainy day activity - shopping!! Being from California I am not used to real storms so I love a good Florida Thunderstorm and the weather definitely delivered! It poured so much we got flood warnings at dinner, but that couldn't stop us from heading into the rain for ice cream!

Tuesday was a little chilly and very windy so we kept our beach access to a walk and hit up the pool instead. Truly there is nothing more relaxing than lying by a pool all day in the sun when you have nothing to do. We did get a cool sunset out of it though!

Wednesday Sara sadly left us to head back to real life! Maddie, Chris and I made the best of the sun with another pool day and walk on the beach. They even convinced me to go see the new X-man movie which shockingly, I loved!

Thursday Maddie and I woke up super early and hit the road for Orlando! We have both been HUGE Harry Potter nerds since about 1st grade. I'm not talking normal childhood interest, I'm talking obsessed. Maddie has read the series something like 17 times and actually ran an Instagram famous Harry Potter account for a while (who is she lol). I read the series a less impressive 12 times and accompanied her to book releases and movie releases in costume of course.

So needless to say it was a must for us to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios Orlando. We were skeptical at first, thinking it couldn't be super amazing but figured since we were this close we had to check it out. GUYS, let me tell you, we were dead wrong. This park was seriously the coolest!!! We got there and were immediately so impressed with the design of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, they look so spot on, just like you'd image from the books (or as spot on as a made up wizarding world can look in the middle of Florida okay?).

We jumped right in line for the castle ride and proceeded to wait about an hour thinking we were again going to be disappointed. But I should have heightened my standards because WOW this ride was amazing. The line weaves through the castle and shows Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, the House Points system, and the talking art on the walls just like the movies! Then they strap you in and you "fly" around Hogwarts in an interactive ride (think California Screamin' vibes) and they even spray you with spider spit (water), and blow air at you and such. It was awesome we could not stop talking about it!!!

The second ride, a roller coaster with the dragon was pitiful honestly but we couldn't have cared less because we were still too obsessed with the first ride. Then we headed to the Three Broomsticks restaurant and had lunch. Guys this is important info. I know people hype the Butterbeer, and you absolutely have to get that (its like creamy toffee soda and wow I was in love) but also this is not the time to skimp people, you also need to get the Pumpkin Fizz because holy moley that was like Fall in my mouth. It was basically PSL meets smokey apple cider and judge all you want but don't knock it till ya try it. You may be thinking no two drinks is too much but you are wrong, get both and thank me later. As you can tell from my rant about food we basically spent the rest of the time eating, drinking, taking pics and generally geeking out. At the end of the day we probably dropped more money than we can justify but wow what a day, it was amazing and I'm so glad we went!!

And if you thought the fun stopped there you are wrong friends!!! Thursday night the condo complex threw this sports themed pool party. And I use the term pool party pretty loosely because Chris, Maddie and I were about the only people under 55 there and no one went in the pool. It was basically an entire pool deck full of old people repping their alma maters, getting drunk, and eating pork sliders. Needless to say we had an awesome time and Maddie got into some unavoidable arguments about how Alabama was better at football than this school or that school while I focused on my chicken wings. We finished it off with an amazing sunset for Chris's last night. All in all a top notch day.

Friday Chris headed back to SF and Maddie somehow convinced me to walk 6 miles on the beach (still not sure how she did that). It was the best day yet weather-wise and we walked till we just about dropped into the sand and baked in the hot sun. We spent the afternoon in and out of the glassy water, napping and reading books and talking.

Now its been 15 years and Maddie and I still somehow never run out of things to talk about and there is still nothing that fills my soul quite like a beach day walking and talking with her in the sun, wrapped up perfectly with a stunning sunset, good food, and ice cream of course. Love you MGH!!! What an ideal last day.

Saturday we left, boo!! But that didn't stop us from an early walk to solidify Madeline's burns ha! It was sad to say goodbye to such a perfect week but I had an amazing time with my family and siblings and best friend! A big thanks to my parents for the week of relaxation, I appreciate you so much!!

Bye for now FL!!

Nursing: It's Coming Together

5:13:00 PM

Hi all, I'm now four weeks deep in my Junior 2 semester, also known as the dread of all USF nursing students. We're told Junior 2 is a scary place where we will meet our impending doom but also finally everything will come together and we'll feel like real nurses; which is all we really strive for. So alas, here I am a month in and I have to say, there are no signs of impending doom, just a TON of really dense material.

Somehow we went from shadowing nurses to being almost completely in charge of critically ill patients, and I'm still not quite sure how that happened. We're now expected to provide essentially complete nursing care for at least two patients during a clinical shift, and by the end of the semester will be coordinating and caring for four patients, EEEKK. That's scary stuff guys. That means assessments, meds, compassion, safety, special accommodations, and caring for medical conditions for FOUR sick people!!!! In other news, this is the semester where we learn all the fun skill stuff, or in my opinion, the things that make you feel like a real nurse, like blood draw and IV insertions and such. So that's pretty legit.

Nursing has always felt like a given for me. But as I enter this Junior 2 semester I've been reflecting a lot on what brought me to where I am today.

I am lucky to come from a family of women who taught me the essence of selflessness. Nursing runs blood deep for me. I am joining my grandmother, aunt, mother and sister in the ranks of strong nurses.

I was raised by a woman who embodies the word compassion. My mom is truly what people speak of when they talk about a nurse. She is capable, patient, skilled (in all things medical and mom), consistent, and will care for anyone and everyone far above and beyond the norm with no complaint.

My sister is the definition of hard work. She set me such high standards at USF studying her booty off with a big ol' brain full of knowledge to show for it. She has the education, she has impeccable skills, the compassion my mother exemplified for us both, the passion she grew in herself, which drives her passion to change the world, healing one sick kid at at time.

I am lucky, I know. When I came to USF my mom gave me a gift. She lent me for these 4 years the stethoscope she used in the 80's as she went to nursing school at Penn State. It is the same one she used during my childhood when sick neighbors or even myself needed an assessment on the fly. It is the same one my older sister learned and practiced with during her 4 years at USF. And now it is mine. I carry it around with me to class and to the hospital and every time I use it I know I belong. I am so proud to be entering the "family business" and only hope to be the kind of nurses my family has shown to be.

Learning How to "Bear Down"

12:46:00 PM

I spent this past week in Tucson visiting with a few of my friends who go to University of Arizona. I had the best time seeing where they live, meeting all their friends, and learnings (as they say it) how to "bear down" (which is a UofA thing that is confusing because they are the wildcats not the bears but it doesn't matter). Special thanks to Emily & Jess for hosting and also to Alyssa and Mackenzie for letting us take over your apartment!

Monday: Emily, Phil and I headed to Oakland only to find a surprise visitor: Jack was going to be coming on the same flight! We got into Tucson mid afternoon and it was so nice out! I will say that I am a bit of an overpacker, but since everyone gives me so much crap for being an overpacker I decided to attempt to change my ways. After extensive research on weather and bugging emily about a thousand times about what I needed to bring I had a perfectly packed week of outfits, which I proceeded to wear none of because it was just way to hot for my sweaters. So basically I failed in the packing department but it was actually a win because the weather was beautiful!

On Monday we hung out at the apartment, walked around the streets surrounding the District where they live, then we went towards campus to a street they call University Ave. which is a bunch of cute shops and restaurants leading up to campus. We ate at this restaurant called Illegal Peet's which is basically like Chipotle but with really good, authentic Mexican food. That night we watched the Bachelor (of course) and relaxed after a long day of travel.

Tuesday: Today we started slow with a morning full of bacon & waffles. In the afternoon we walked around campus with our personal tour guide Emily to see the school and pick up her books and see her and Jessica's sorority house, Chi Omega.

This school is seriously gorgeous people!!! If you have a chance to check it out, do it! You will see tons of brick buildings scattered among palm trees and green grass, and everywhere you look there are attractive people in sunglasses just mulling about in their lululemon or something. Just looking around makes you feel like you need to go to the gym. And if you do go to the gym, you'll find a three-story glass-windowed architechual masterpiece spilling with more pretty people pumping iron or running like gazzels who are also more athletic than you, so maybe avoid that if that's not your thing ;)

Tuesday afternoon we went to the local animal shelter which Jessica will say was fun and not sad, but she is wrong, it was sad. But I was cheered up soon after with a gorgeous desert sunset that we watched from the roof. We finished the night with a trip to Sauce, a yummy Italian restaurant where we hung out with another Santa Rosa friend, Trysha!

Wednesday: Today was the first day of classes for all my little wildcats!! So we slept in while they all were jerked back into the reality that is school. Phil and I met Emily for lunch at Chi Omega which was both amazing (because I'm living my sratty dream of having a sorority house) and overwhelming because it was one room with about 300 excited, chatty girls eating lunch.

For the afternoon we wandered around looking at more attractive people and enjoying the sunshine. Then we walked around University Ave. for a while and then watched some more Bachelor. At night we went out with Jack to meet his Sophos friends!

Thursday: We slept in again and waited for our collegiate to come back from class. Then Jack, Em, Phil and I headed over to a high-rise apartment complex with a rooftop pool. I would just like to take a moment to point out that no one besides myself thought it was strange that this beautiful, bougey building was built for college students such as myself who can just take the elevator to the top floor and lay by the pool in the sun and look at their panoramic views over Tucson and the mountains. Yep, I was the only one who was dumbfounded by this (and still am) and if it weren't for the fact that I was sweating 85% of the time I was in Arizona, I would be seriously reconsidering my college choice.

After an afternoon of laying in the sun, during which I got a bee sting (!!!!!), ugh, we went back to Illegal Peet's because it's that good and we needed it twice in 3 days. Then we lounged around all night until Emily, Jess and Alyssa took me to Greek Row to have a college experience I have missed out on: fratting. It was lots of loud, dancy fun and as we collapsed into bed I sent a thank you to the universe that we don't really wear heels out or walk that much in SF (rip my feet).

Friday: This was our last morning, we all met at University Ave. for Trysha to show us the ropes at this cool tea bar. Being the tea-guru she is, she specialized each tea order to our preferences and they were so good!!! After some bittersweet goodbyes Phil and I headed back to California.

Thank you all for the best week!! I had such a great time living the Zonalife and I fully intend to spend the next few days recuperating on the couch. Bear down!!!